My first STD was from a foam party
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
