I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
