Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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