Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You are a genius and a whore.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
