Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
