Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
