She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
