You can't special order awesome
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
