so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize