New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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