We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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