I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
