I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
