I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
