I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
