The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
