it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
