I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
