So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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