He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
