Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
