1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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