How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it's great music for shaving your balls
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
