I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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