I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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