Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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