I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
