I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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