the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
