Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
