Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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