dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
