Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize