i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
