so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
