Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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