Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
