you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
