he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
