he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i think i just lost a toe
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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