Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"

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(609): View more from New Jersey

my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.

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(310): View more from California

I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.

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(210): View more from Texas

Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.

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(231): View more from Michigan

I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.

(231): View more from Michigan

The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter

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(218): View more from Minnesota

If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!

(719): View more from Colorado

The US is in the finals, aren't they.

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(909): View more from California

I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.

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