Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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