Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is Oprah even human
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize