im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize