i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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