i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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