It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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