also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
