I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
