Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
