Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
