just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i was born a porn star she said
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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