And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
