We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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