she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
