I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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