I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
