took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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