getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
