you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
