I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
