you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
