I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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