If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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