"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Randomize
