babies were throwing up all over the place
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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