$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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