we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
