She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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