come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she peed on how many people?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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