Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
