this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
